In-Law Relations

Colleen Cluff

I was so nervous the first time I went to meet my future in-laws. I knew how important they were/are to my husband, Noah, and I didn’t want to put a wedge in anywhere or make anyone feel uncomfortable. My fears and worries dissipated within moments of meeting them. They welcomed me with open arms and treated me like a daughter and sister right off the get-go.

I’ve felt a real strong connection with my mother-in-law too. Before my husband and I were sealed she would always say things like, “I am so happy you’re in our life now”, “this is one of the biggest blessings”, and many more things like this. She really treated me like I was the most beloved daughter. Just this morning she texted me, and this is a little excerpt from what she said, “Sweet Colleen! We’re grateful you and Noah have each other. Love you so, so much! … You’re such a sweetheart and we count you as one of our greatest blessings every single day.” (Cluff, 2020, par.2)

Now, I realize not all in-laws can be so welcoming. It can be and stay as a frightening thing to be around them. How grateful I am that this is not the case in my situation. My in-laws have shown great respect to my husband and I. They knew that Noah was going to leave and “cleave unto his wife”, and this would mean less time with them. But they know that he and I still love them. We still feel close to them even though we aren’t there all the time. Harper and Olsen say it best in their book, “Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Family”. 

” Closeness… is different from enmeshment. Parents who are secure in their relationships with their children understand that married children can be emotionally close without always having to be present. These children, in turn, have a sense of their parents’ own security so they don’t have to always be near them to take care of them…” (Harper & Olsen, 2005, p.329)

I strongly believe that it is possible to have strong and healthy relationships with in-laws. Sure, they aren’t your biological parents, but they raised the person you love most to have as a spouse. Most of the time they know how to love and care for children. So, we need to be willing to love them in return.