Turn Towards One Another

Colleen Cluff

In John Gottman’s book, the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he discusses the ability to turn towards your spouse. He starts chapter six by saying, ” what’s really occurring [is]… they are attuning by turning toward each other. Couples who do so are building mutual trust.” (Gottman, p. 87) I love this quote because he basically says that turning towards your spouse is synonymous with building mutual trust with your spouse. I think that is where healthy marriage grows stronger every day. When you trust your spouse in all things, it is easier to then turn towards them, or listen, and learn from them. 

In the past, I have had some pretty rocky and unstable relationships. I found it difficult to trust those men with certain aspects of my life and so I kept them to myself. I felt like I had to be this closed book of perfectness, and if they saw my flaws then I felt foolish and stupid. When I started dating Noah, who is now my husband, I did the same. But he loved me, talked to me, and built trust in all aspects of my life that I knew I could open up to him rather than shut him out as I did with my past boyfriends. This foundation of trust that we built has stayed strong thus far in our marriage. 

I love spending time and talking with my husband more than anything. I miss him while he is at work or when I am at school. I pray for him when he is gone and can’t wait to see him when he returns. This is all because we strive to turn towards one another. When I talk, cry, laugh, and so on, he listens. And when he rants, get grumpy and just wants to talk, I listen. We do activities with each other that he likes, I like and we both like; and that is where I think I find more joy. We build off of what we each have to give and love one another through it all. 

Turning towards your spouse doesn’t need to be this over-dramatic hard thing. Rather, I think it can be an easy ability as we strive to truly love our spouse and build harmony in each other’s lives. Turning towards one another is basically just further developing the Christ-like attributes of charity and patience. And as we focus our lives on developing Christ-like attributes we will better know how to turn towards our spouse.